The Fruit of Spanking in the Life of a Gentle Mother of Six
I saw an exchange of late that I wanted to share with you and to post on my blog with two hopes in mind.
First, what you are about to read is a post purely from the heart of a dear Christian mother of six small children. It is a post which shares deeply personal feelings, painful feelings.
When you read this, you realize how powerful a control this issue of spanking has over the relationship that this dear sister has with her family.
I mean some parents and family members are ready to let this issue totally control and dictate what kind of a relationship they are going to have with their own child or their own sister. How terribly awful this is. This is clearly not the type of relationship that our Lord wishes us to have.
But sadly, this is the situation that so many mothers (in particular) face from their families when they listen to the Holy Spirit, who leads them through the Scriptures to find Gentle Parenting and in the process they find that still small voice inside them which has whispered all along to them:
"Don't hit the child you love."
There is a second hope that I have in posting this real life testimony. It is my sincere hope that someone in reading it will find a mustard seed of faith, a spiritual anchor, a safe harbor, a shelter from the storm, to hear and listen to their own inner voice and start searching the Scriptures to learn the same thing this dear Christian sister has learned.
What she has learned is that she is ready and willing, no matter how painful it is, to not pass along to the next generation, the fruit of a very special love that God blessed between her and her husband, who chose to entrust them with helping Him bring six children up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord.
This post also has immense beauty, the beauty of witness and of demonstrating to her niece the truth of God. Her witness will probably end family violence for her niece when she grows up and becomes a mother. Because of her courage and investment now, the return will be a reduction in family violence in her own family for the future generation through her niece.
Know for an absolute certainty that this dear sister is not looking backwards, but she is standing fast in the liberty where with Christ has made her free (Galatians 5:1) and is in spite of immense personal pain still no matter what trying to minister the love of Christ to her family. No matter what, she is still reaching out and just wants to be friends with her family the same way she is friends with her God and with her own family:
“This is My commandment, that you love one another, just as I have loved you. Greater love has no one than this, that one lay down his life for his friends. You are My friends if you do what I command you." (John 15:13-14 NASB)
Her post begins below:
My family gossips behind my back.
What I mean precisely is they take truth and twist it to attack by adding nonsense and misunderstanding. Because they don't want to understand!
I know the fact that I parent a traumatized girl and all the therapy that she needs doesn't intuitively make sense. I know my kids are put under a microscope and they are not perfect and that's not because they aren't spanked. It is clear my parents tell them things and rip me apart without my knowing or permission, or complete explanation. So, I have unfriended and blocked her [her sister].
She hates me, doesn't like me, and wishes ill of me and my kids. I need a safe boundary.
My brother unfriended me 2 years ago because of the spanking issue.
He never calls or emails. I cried so hard on the phone telling him he was hurting me and he says he loves me but I said if he didn't stay up on what was happening in my life then I didn't feel loved.
So I texted my niece and she says she doesn't say anything and I asked her to continue that. And she says she loves me and appreciates my parenting because she sees how awesome my kids are.
She thinks they are all jealous because of the issues they have with their kids and they each have just one or two children. That caused some happy tears.
But the interchange with my dad has gone very badly.
I have kindly requested he not speak of me to my brother or sister and to put a stop to any gossip immediately or walk away. I mean it is really bad and they are using them for info to rip me apart and keep their hate induced excitement roaring.
My dad hates controversy. He wants everyone to get along and agree to disagree. I said I couldn't do that. I said I have to live knowing children I loved are hurt and it pains me and i will speak against it because it is outright wrong!
He came back telling me they loved me and we need to come together. I said I thought they hated me. That I am confused by his love, because I told him when he spanked me I didn't feel love, but to this day to my face he says it was right.
That it seems his goal is/was for me to not feel loved.
And then I mentioned I was thankful my mom apologized for spanking me.
She said shortly after she had her stroke that a verse God revealed to her that she was wrong and was sorry. She unfortunately can't remember that verse!
But my dad continues to say he has no shame in spanking me, and I need to stop attacking his Christianity.
He is upset now and wants to end it. I just responded that that comment continues to hurt me.
Then asked him to tell me when my brother and sister were coming on Sunday so I can come when they are not there.
I have a present for my mom.
I have spent the evening kind of hiding in different rooms crying.
The kids get too worked up when I am upset. But this is really bad!!!
Final comment: There is a lot of pain in this post. In particular if you are a new parent, please read this carefully before you think about spanking your child. Is this the type of relationship you wish to have with your child in the future? Is this the pain that you wish to pass on to the next generation or is there another way?
The answer of the Lord through the witness of this dear sister and mother of six is a resounding: