O
Wretched Child that I am
by
Samuel Martin
Saint Paul was a person well experienced
with life. He tells us about his many experiences including many sufferings.
“But
whatever anyone else dares to boast of—I am speaking as a fool—I also dare to
boast of that. Are they Hebrews? So am I. Are they Israelites? So am I. Are
they offspring of Abraham? So am I. Are they servants of Christ? I am a better
one—I am talking like a madman—with far greater labors, far more imprisonments,
with countless beatings, and often near death. Five times I received at the
hands of the Jews the forty lashes less one. Three times I was beaten with
rods. Once I was stoned. Three times I was shipwrecked; a night and a day I was
adrift at sea; on frequent journeys, in danger from rivers, danger from
robbers, danger from my own people, danger from Gentiles, danger in the city,
danger in the wilderness, danger at sea, danger from false brothers; in toil
and hardship, through many a sleepless night, in hunger and thirst, often
without food, in cold and exposure. And, apart from other things, there is the
daily pressure on me of my anxiety for all the churches. Who is weak, and I am
not weak? Who is made to fall, and I am not indignant? If I must boast, I will
boast of the things that show my weakness. The God and Father of the Lord
Jesus, he who is blessed forever, knows that I am not lying. At Damascus, the governor under King Aretas was guarding the
city of Damascus
in order to seize me, but I was let down in a basket through a window in the
wall and escaped his hands.” (II Corinthians 11:21-33 ESV)
He
also speaks often of his many joys in Christ (Romans 15:32; II Corinthians 2:3;
Philippians 2:2; I Timothy 2:20).
When
we read Paul’s experiences, we can see that he lived a human life much like
that which you and I experience today: a life of suffering and a life where one
experiences great joy.
A
part of Paul’s (and ours) experiences in life lead him to express his own
shortcomings and human frailties when coming to the question of the daily task
of reconstructing his own character. Paul (like you and especially I) had major
challenges with this issue and this is exactly what he tells us.
“What
then shall we say? That the law is sin? By no means! Yet if it had not been for
the law, I would not have known sin. For I would not have known what it is to
covet if the law had not said, “You shall not covet.” But in, seizing an
opportunity through the commandment, produced in me all kinds of covetousness.
For apart from the law, sin lies dead. I was once alive apart from the law, but
when the commandment came, sin came alive and I died. The very commandment that
promised life proved to be death to me. For sin, seizing an opportunity through
the commandment, deceived me and through it killed me. So the law is holy, and
the commandment is holy and righteous and good.
Did
that which is good, then, bring death to me? By no means! It was sin, producing
death in me through what is good, in order that sin might be shown to be sin,
and through the commandment might become sinful beyond measure. For we know
that the law is spiritual, but I am of the flesh, sold under sin. For I do not
understand my own actions. For I do not do what I want, but I do the very thing
I hate. Now if I do what I do not want, I agree with the law, that it is good.
So now it is no longer I who do it, but sin that dwells within me. For I know
that nothing good dwells in me, that is, in my flesh. For I have the desire to
do what is right, but not the ability to carry it out. For I do not do the good
I want, but the evil I do not want is what I keep on doing. Now if I do what I
do not want, it is no longer I who do it, but sin that dwells within me. So I
find it to be a law that when I want to do right, evil lies close at hand. For
I delight in the law of God, in my inner being, but I see in my members another
law waging war against the law of my mind and making me captive to the law of
sin that dwells in my members. Wretched man that I am! Who will deliver me from
this body of death? Thanks be to God through Jesus Christ our Lord! So then, I
myself serve the law of God with my mind, but with my flesh I serve the law of
sin.” (Romans 7:7-24 ESV)
Paul
saw inside of himself a delight in God’s law, but in his own experience, he
found himself deficient (as are you and I) when it came to performance. His
reference to his own shortcomings was not an isolated incident. He referred
many times to his own personal nature, which he characterized as sinful,
mortal, corruptible, and fleshly, terms any honest, self reflecting person is
very familiar with. Note what he told Timothy:
“I
thank him who has given me strength, Christ Jesus our Lord, because he judged
me faithful, appointing me to his service, though formerly I was a blasphemer,
persecutor, and insolent opponent. But I received mercy because I had acted
ignorantly in unbelief, and the grace of our Lord overflowed for me with the
faith and love that are in Christ Jesus. The saying is trustworthy and
deserving of full acceptance, that Christ Jesus came into the world to save
sinners, of whom I am the foremost.” (I Timothy 1:12-15 ESV)
It
is interesting that Paul did not say that he “was” previously the “foremost”
sinner. No! He uses the present tense to describe his earthly condition. Let us
be honest though, Paul was doing his best to pursue his Christian walk, but
found that “I have the desire to do what is right, but not the ability to carry
it out. For I do not do the good I want, but the evil I do not want is what I
keep on doing.” (ibid.)
But
when did Paul write these statements? How old was he when he was making these
statements? Many authorities agree that Paul was born in the first decade of
the First Century and died before 70AD. Let us consider a general chronological
outline of some general events of the New Testament period which can help us
see when this might have happened.
- Christ’s First Year of Teaching 27 to 28 AD[1]
- Sabbatical Year in the First Century among the Jewish people 27 to 28 AD[2]
- First Passover mentioned in John’s Gospel (6:4) 29 AD
- Feast of Tabernacles mentioned in John’s Gospel (7:1) 29 AD
- Feast of the Dedication mentioned in John’s Gospel (10:22) 29/30 AD (winter)
- Jesus Crucified, Buried and Raised from the Dead 30 AD (Passover)
- Persecution of the Church by Saul of Tarsus 30/31 AD
- Paul converted to Christianity 31 AD
- Sabbatical Year in the First Century among the Jewish People 34 to 35 AD
- Sabbatical Year in the First Century among the Jewish People 41 to 42 AD
- Galatians composed (17 years (1:18; 2:1) leads back to AD 31 48 AD
- Paul travels to Jerusalem to take part in Jerusalem Council 49 AD
- Sabbatical Year in the First Century among the Jewish People 48 to 49 AD
- Jerusalem Council meeting (Acts 15) 49 AD
- Paul arrives in Corinth (Second Journey) 50/51 AD
- Paul spends 18 months in Corinth (Acts 18:11) 51/52 AD
- Paul before Gallion (Acts 18:12-17) 52 AD
- Paul visits Jerusalem (Acts 18:21,22) 52 AD
- Paul starts Third Journey (Acts 18:23) 53 AD (Spring)
- Paul reaches Ephesus late Spring 53 AD
- Paul stays in Ephesus for two years (Acts 19:10) 54/55 AD
- Paul wrote I Corinthians (at Passover time) 55 AD
- Paul asks Corinthians to save money for poor Jerusalemites to be given them for the upcoming Sabbatical Year kept in Jerusalem (I Cor. 16:15) 55 AD
- Paul goes to Macedonia 55 AD (late in year)
- Paul writes II Corinthians late in the year in Macedonia 55 AD
- Sabbatical Year in the First Century among the Jewish People 55 to 56 AD
- Sabbatical Year begins in the Fall of the Year (II Cor. 8:10; 9:2) 55 AD
- Paul returns to Corinth (Acts 20:3) 55 AD (late Fall)
- Paul writes Romans (Romans 15:25-33) 56 AD (Spring)
- Paul in Jerusalem at Pentecost (Acts 20:16) 56 AD
- Sabbatical Year ends 56 AD (Autumn)
- Paul imprisoned in Ceasarea for two years 58 AD
- Sabbatical Year in the First Century among the Jewish People 62 to 63 AD
- Jerusalem Destroyed by the Romans 70 AD
This chronological reconstruction above comes from the work of my late father "The Year of Christ's Crucifixion." - (Foundation for Biblical Research, April 1983)
Now, we have to speculate a little bit about the person of Paul himself to help us understand the personal context in which he writes Romans 7. He is not here writing as a young person with little or no experience in life. On the contrary.
Now, we have to speculate a little bit about the person of Paul himself to help us understand the personal context in which he writes Romans 7. He is not here writing as a young person with little or no experience in life. On the contrary.
When
we first encounter Paul in Acts, we find him mentioned at the death of Stephen
described as a “young man” (Acts 7:58). However, while he may have been considered
a young man, he was one who had reached a fairly high position in the religious
hierarchy in Jerusalem.
Let us remember that Paul, then called Saul, had received permission and a
mandate directly from the high priest of the whole nation of Israel, who was
the top religious authority in the world at that time concerning matters of the
Jewish faith, to go to Damascus to seek Christians and bring them back to
Jerusalem for punishment (Acts 9:1,2) Apparently Paul was considered qualified
to undertake such a mission by the high priest at that time.
This
shows that Paul in his youth, as he even himself says, had reached a very high
level of responsibility within the religious hierarchy in Jerusalem at that time. Notice what he said
in public which demonstrates this point quite clearly.
“Brothers
and fathers, hear the defense that I now make before you.” And when they heard
that he was addressing them in the Hebrew language, they became even more
quiet. And he said: “I am a Judaean, born in Tarsus in Cilicia, but brought up
in this city, educated at the feet of Gamaliel according to the strict manner
of the law of our fathers, being zealous for God as all of you are this day. I
persecuted this Way to the death, binding and delivering to prison both men and
women, as the high priest and the whole council of elders can bear me witness.
From them I received letters to the brothers, and I journeyed toward Damascus to take those also who were there and bring them
in bonds to Jerusalem
to be punished.” (Acts 22:1-5 ESV)
It must be understood that someone in the position
of Paul (then called Saul) was one who was considered to be one of the most
loyal, competent, highly achieving academic religious experts at the time who
was given the task to defend Judaism from the new schism of Christianity.
Such a job would not have been given to a
maverick. This would only have been entrusted to one whose reputation and
loyalty to the faith was unquestioned.
Paul at that time would have fit in exactly to the
Pharisaical model of life and culture. Chronologically speaking, we have some
very early testimonies which point to a general outline of what this life might
have looked like. Here is a great quote from Rabbi Rosenfeld.
"He [Yehuda ben Taima] used to say: At five
[one should begin the study of] Scriptures; at ten, Mishna; at thirteen [one
becomes obligated in] the commandments; at fifteen [the study of] Talmud; at
eighteen the wedding canopy; at twenty to pursue; at thirty strength; at forty
understanding; at fifty counsel; at sixty old age; at seventy fullness of
years; at eighty spiritual strength; at ninety bending over; at one hundred it
is as if he has died and passed on from the world."
In this Mishnah, Yehuda ben Taima sums up the human
experience with simple but uncanny accuracy. It is interesting that although
Yehuda earlier challenged us to such great heights -- to serve G-d with the
fierceness of a leopard, swiftness of a deer, etc. (Mishnah 23)
-- here he sees life in such undulating order and regularity. We reach for the
stars, yet we must be thankful if we merit lives of normality and longevity.
Before we begin examining the stages of life, I
can't resist quoting a parallel statement in the Midrash (Koheles Rabbah 1:2)
-- more amusing, in a pathetic sort of way. In the beginning of Koheles
(Ecclesiastes), King Solomon seven times calls the physical world a place of
"hevel" -- vanity or futility. The Midrash relates this to the seven
stages of life. At one year of age, man is a king, fondled and doted upon by
all. At two and three he is a pig, groping in the garbage. At ten he prances
around like a kid. At twenty he is a horse, preening himself in search of a
wife. After marriage he works like a donkey to earn a living. When he has
children he is brazen as a dog trying to raise and support his family. And at
the end of his life he becomes senile and senseless as an ape. A script few of
us veer from. For better or worse -- as Yehuda wrote above -- life really is a
mimicry of the animal kingdom!” (Here making reference to the ancient Hebrew
book – Pirke Avot - http://www.torah.org/learning/pirkei-avos/chapter5-25.html#)
When we consider the descriptions of Paul and the
level of responsibility he had achieved, it is really hard for us to imagine
that he was less than age 30 at the time he received letters from the High
Priest to go to Damascus.
Let us again remind ourselves of Paul’s statement
again in Acts 22, where he said he was “brought
up in this city (Jerusalem),
educated at the feet of Gamaliel, according to the strict manner of the law of our fathers.”
(Acts 22:2)
Now,
considering this fact that Paul was adhering not to the liberal manner, but to
the “strict manner of the law” does this give us any clue as to Paul’s age when
he received the letters from the High Priest? Perhaps.
As a
strict Pharisee, Saul would have been a zealous keeper of the commandments of
God and this included all 613 of them. However, there is one commandment, which
in fact is the very first commandment of all which if a person in that period
was not adhering to would have positioned that person well outside of the
normative mainstream of Judaism.
This
commandment is found in Genesis 1:28 and it says ;”Be fruitful and multiply,
and fill the earth, and subdue it.” Judaism has long recognized this as the
first of all commandments which is a requirement of all adherents to the Jewish
faith.
For
men, this means two things. It means marriage and it means becoming a father.
Note how Rabbi Chill helps us understand this issue. He quotes numerous ancient
authorities which would precisely represent what was the norm in Paul’s time.
“When
a man reaches the age of 18 he becomes subject to the mitzvah to marry and to
have children. … To fulfill this mitzvah adequately, a man must beget at least
one son and one daughter who, in turn, must be physically capable of begetting
children of their own. In other words, one had not fulfilled the mitzvah of
procreation if, for example, he begets a son who is sexually impotent or a
daughter who is barren.” (Chill, The Mitzvot: The Commandments and their Rationale,
pg. 3)
When
we encounter Paul in Acts 9, it is almost unthinkable that he would not be
looked on as one of high responsibility, a dignitary holding official letters
in an entourage of people, he being the representative of the High Priest
himself! Such a job is not one for a man of 20 years! It is hard to imagine
Paul being less than 30 years old at this time.
It is
hardly to be expected also that a man of Paul’s stature within Judaean society
at that time would have been unmarried. When we consider such a person who came
from a family that were born Roman citizens, (Acts 22:28) having enough
financial means to be able to send their son to Jerusalem to study at the feet
of one of the most respected Rabbis of the time (Acts 5 & 22), to have reached
the stature in the cultural system of the day where he was selected by the High
Priest directly to have been entrusted with sacred duties to defend the faith
at that time, one cannot imagine that such a person living within the
environment of Judaism, on a track to himself become one of the leading
scholars in the city, this makes Paul, in fact, one of the most eligible men
living in Jerusalem at that time!
Paul,
in fact, had reached the pinnacle of achievement within Judaism at that time.
He was a “Pharisee of the Pharisees.” He was someone whose academic achievement
was the highest. Think about it. If you were the High Priest of the country,
would you not select the best candidate to do a specific job? Would you not
select the most able person to represent you and your wishes in your absence?
If you were the top religious leader of the country, would not your selection
of a specific individual for a specific task give some indication of your level
of confidence in that person and their right to be designated for such a
position due to their obvious achievement?
There
are many speculations concerning evidence in the Ecclesiastical History written
by Eusebius in the early 300s, which says Paul was married. Paul himself says
that: “I was advancing in Judaism beyond many Judaeans of my own age and was
extremely zealous for the traditions of my fathers" (Galatians
1:14). To think that this meant a negation of non-adherence to the very
first commandment found in the Judaean faith is really almost impossible.
In
fact, based upon Paul’s own account of his growing up in Jerusalem and studying
at the feet of the great rabbi Gamaliel, it is quite possible that Paul could
have even encountered Jesus Himself at age 12 when Jesus was Himself for three
days in the presence of the great teachers of the Law. (Luke 2:46) Paul himself
may have even known of Jesus, this child prodigy from the Galilee!
It could very well be as they were both in Jerusalem perhaps at the same time.
So if
Paul was at least age 30 in Acts 9, this would make him in AD 56 when Romans
was written himself being at least 55 years old. This is the circumstance in
which Paul found himself, a mature grown experienced man writing what he did in
Romans 7.
“For
I have the desire to do what is right, but not the ability to carry it out”
So,
this is the circumstance that Paul (and you and I) found himself (and
ourselves) in. He (and we) want to do what is right, but we do not possess the
ability to do it perfectly. It is a part of our human condition to make
mistakes, to be mortal, corruptible and sinful.
We are
not alone in our experience of this sinful state known as the human condition.
It is something which all humans experience and that experience extends to all
ages of life. The nature to be sinful is something inherited by all of the
children of Adam. (Romans 3:23)
While
we all recognize this, there are one group of people, who while they have
inherited this sin nature, they have yet to realize it in the same way that
Paul, certainly being above 50 years of age at the time, recognized it. They
are sinners just like Paul was, but they themselves do not yet know it! Yet,
today many continue to engage this group who live among us, with approaches and
actions which seek to attempt to stamp out or eliminate this sinful nature even
while the sinner himself doesn’t even realize that he or she himself is sinful.
Here,
of course, we are talking about young children and in this case, we are talking
about young children under the age of five in particular. Children under five
are our subject here because there is a well known level of cognition that all
of us who are parents know exists which is not present before that age.
I read
a psychological book which described a simple formula that one could use to
help us understand that the minds that these young children have are still
developing and do not have any where near the same level of understanding that
children over five (generally speaking) possess. A simple question can be posed
to the under five year old to illustrate this. I have two children and one of
them is under age five (in 2011). If I ask her “Do you have a sister?” She will
say “yes.” But if I take her mind beyond this to a more difficult and complex
question saying “Does your sister have a sister?” She will have to really think
that one through and only by about age five according to scientists do children
begin to say. “Yes, my sister has a sister and I am her.”
We can
in fact see this idea being expressed by Paul in Scripture. It is found in I
Corinthians 2:11. “For who knows a person's thoughts except the spirit of that
person, which is in him?”
This
is a most important scripture. There is a “spirit” in man. There is a spiritual
side to man. But, this spiritual side takes time to develop! As quoted earlier,
man takes time to develop and grow up: “At two and three he is a pig, groping in the
garbage.” (ibid.) A two or three year old does not have an inner spiritual man
operating in the same way as an older child! Not at all!
It shows
that man himself cannot know even the things of the flesh unless through the
spirit which is in man. This condition exists when a child is born and
continues well into the time about up to age three or four. (depending on the
individual)
By age
five, children have some general awareness about life on a day to day basis,
but prior to that time, they are certainly human, but the “spirit of that
person, which is in him” has not yet developed and become aware of what it
really means to be human.
Now,
if we go back to the example that Paul gives us of his own experience as a
grown, highly educated, experienced, seasoned man knowing all aspects of life
found in his own life an inability to do what is right by his own admission.
Let us rehearse what he said: “For I have the desire to do what is right, but
not the ability to carry it out.” (Romans 7:18)
So,
now we have to ask ourselves a question. Why is it that today many well
intentioned Christian advocates of child rearing are so focused on punishing
little children for sin (often starting before these little children of God are
still babes in arms) before the time when these children even have an awareness
of what human life is all about? They do not have ant experience with life,
have no concept of what sin is and they do not yet even know the difference
between right and wrong much less have a desire to do what is right, yet they
are introduced to complex ideas about sin and punishment well before the time
when their minds are even working at a level to comprehend even the most basic
aspects of life.
The
fact is, “the spirit of that person, which is in him” is not yet “in” little
children under about age five, yet the preferred Christian approach today by
many is to treat that little child, not as a totally innocent being, who not
only does not “have the desire to do what is right”, but also does not even
know what “the desire to do what is right” is, as a guilty sinner in the same
category as that which aware humans who themselves (like Paul) “do not
understand my own actions.” (Romans 7:15) No, little Tommy or Suzy has to
understand that they are wrong, evil sinners who deserve to be punished
starting preferably while they are still babes in arms while us grown ups
acknowledge that we have the “desire to do what is right, but not the ability
to carry it out” and we ourselves “do not understand my [our] own actions.”
In my
book, it just does not seem fair.
I’d
welcome knowing your view.